you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
