She said her name was "party"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
