I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
