I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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