You really coming over, don't trick.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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