I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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