he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
