he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
