watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
