I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
