Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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