I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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