If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
