Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she looked like the before picture.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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