I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
