I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize