half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
