i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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