just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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