remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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