I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
