I cockslap morals
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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