we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
