how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he was CRYING into my vagina
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
