nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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