Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
