dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
3pm strippers are depressing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
