I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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