Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
