let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
