I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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