Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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