last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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