I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They have beer where we have blood.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize