you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
