Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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