R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
