brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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