And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
