Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
