You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
