This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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