I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
