I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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