I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
