you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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