quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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