so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize