Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
