woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize