I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
