First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
