I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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