I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
