everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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