It's like God shit irony all over that family
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
