So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
