i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Even my vagina gasped.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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