Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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