they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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