C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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