If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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