She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
