do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
